From the Desk of The DBeazy One-Man-Think-Tank

I often wonder what it is that I missed in my developmental years that caused me to get it all so wrong so often. I’ve considered it all now and again for years. I’ve reached a conclusion or two in the past, only to find later that I was wrong about that as well. I’ve watched, listened, read about, followed, and perused the roadmaps of others to success. I’ve adopted some or maybe all of “The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People,” for example, but I have to say, these are not the people that I cross paths with on a regular or recurring basis. Therefore, I found the application of all of the “success” principles difficult. The bar around here never was positioned very high, and I missed it, just the same.

I studied, I surmised, and I extrapolated the data, applying the brown spirits and sometimes the clear ones. I thought, somewhere in this journey that I call my life, lies the words to a chart-soaring country song or two. Of course, this crosses my mind as Dwight Yoakam sings, “Then there’s not a damn thing I can do…,” lyrics to one of his heartbreak melodies. But that is the way it is, especially on a night like this one, when the storms came and went over three hours ago leaving me with a lone candle and this laptop for light and the aforementioned music.

Earlier, I heard a couple of nearby lightning strikes with almost simultaneous claps of thunder, but I just rolled over and slept. Then I awoke to complete quiet and complete darkness, confused and without bearings for a bit. My first worry in such a situation years ago would have been for my children, and to alleviate their fear if they awoke to find that we were without power. On this night, my initial concern was for my pups out in my barroom, where they sleep most nights. I busied myself with a flashlight, lighting a candle, and checking the local power company’s outage map. From the website, I learned that we’d been without power for over three hours. I suppose I might have overreacted some, I mean I had a laptop, music, and a cellphone with cellular internet access, but aren’t we programmed to move into self-preservation mode? I limited my cell use and internet access to conserve battery.

Being one accustomed to the creature comforts that come with electricity, I felt my spirit begin to wane. I sat at the laptop, sullen and morose, and then the negative thoughts came and brought with them the negative questions. I closed the music app and checked my phone once more to see if there were updates on the power outage. Then I sat in the light of my screen, trying a few words now and again, not finding much. My doubt and self-loathing this night ran high and unabated, fueled by boredom and the lack of electricity and most assuredly aided by the contents of my glass.

After some time, I don’t know, maybe an hour or two, I opened the outside door and called for the dogs. The beam of my headlight broke through the darkness, lighting a heavy mist left from the storm. My quick whistle broke the silence and I first heard, then saw the figures of my pups in full stride, anxious to return to the warmth and comfort of the house. My mood is lightened by their presence as I know that they love me, often more than I love myself. They found their places and for a spell, the silence of the room was filled with the myriad of dog sounds as they cleaned, preen, shook, circled, and scratched, as they settled for a nap. They amaze me, these dogs, missing no sound or smell in silent patrol of their territory, even when napping, yet, utterly unfazed by the lack of electricity. Then silence returned to the room.

I sat there wrestling with the thoughts in my head and I did so until I began to see light around the edges of the window blinds. The story of Jacob wrestling with God in the book of Genesis came to mind and I thought, “What a roundabout way to get my head back on straight.” I dwelt on the meaning of the passage in the Bible and made a mental note to revisit that passage soon.

As if on cue, the power was restored and I walked over to blow out the candle I had burning. As often happens, one last errant thought lingered. I saw the smoking candle and was reminded how fleeting life can be. I sat back down and revisited my negative thoughts from before and I drew a few conclusions. I think they are the correct conclusions.

First off, in darkness, silence, and solitude the brain forces us to face fears, to deal with more private and personal business, and to be most honest with ourselves. Losing electricity takes away the distractions of television, Facebook, TikTok, games, and such. Secondly, I imagine there was a specific catalyst that set me off on such a negative tangent just hours before, but I’ll be damned if I know what it was. Could have been anything, I suppose, but I expect it is the holiday season, this and every damned winter, and mixed with a little nod towards the “fuckedupedness” of the state of our union at present. Then alas, I concluded that the ideal that every single person doesn’t have to have this awesome, lifetime DREAM in which they are supposed to strive. I assert here that this conclusion is a tremendous burden off of me as I have tried and failed the whole of my adult life to find that one dream to chase.  Instead, I decided that if I’d had such a dream, upon completion, I would have looked around and asked, “Is this IT? Really?”

So my objective now is to possess a fervent allegiance toward short-term quests. For the near future at least, one will find me specifically earnest towards my goals, yet laterally aware, so that I don’t miss something in the corner of my vision that might become my next short-term passion. Another thought occurred to me as my dogs arose and began to stir. I’m still amazed at their nonchalant attitude toward the power outage. The thought you ask? Well, it’s more a concept, I guess. So here it is. In my pursuit of happiness and contentment, I must realize that it means nothing if I’m happy and content when those around me are not. In other words, I cannot evolve independently or at the expense of those around me. That just will not work, so I aim to continue to express my positivity as I always have and to lift those around me. I aim to empower those whose paths I cross.

Finally, after I breakfasted my pups with their normal kibble and some rotisserie chicken and turned them out for their morning run, I parked myself back in front of my screen and focused on the conclusion of this tale. What can I say? What profound statement can I come up with to “tidy up” all of these thoughts as experienced on a blustery night in December of the year of our Lord, 2023?

Well, I have to say that it all comes down to Luck. The old saying, “I’d rather be lucky than good” applies 100% to this life of mine. My successes and my failures in life, well, they can mostly be attributed to luck, albeit good or bad. Looking back, MAN, I’ve been lucky. I say this while acknowledging the fact that, MAN, I’ve surely had my share of completely SHITTY luck.

In the end, though, I want to be defined by the things in this world that I love. I love my girls, all of the girls in my life. I leave that statement with the adage, “If you know, you know.” I love dogs, and they love me. The love of a dog is and should be an example to every human being of how we should be. My final focus will be my love for everything MOTORCYCLE. Nothing brings a smile to my face as a question about my bikes and riding bikes. So by way of advice, I offer this: Find something, anything to be passionate about. Love hard and love fiercely. Lift others as you go, and without a doubt, adopt a dog.

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